The Joys of Holy Matrimony (If I Had a Hammer Division)

   On May 4, 2007, Amy Teresa Ricks, of Salt Lake City, obviously a good and caring wife, drove her husband, Joel, to her mother's condominium, where she told him she had a "surprise" for him. 

   She walked him down to the basement and blindfolded him. Then she repeatedly bashed him on the head with a hammer. 

   Joel Ricks, who suffered minor injuries, later told sheriff's deputies that sleeping bags had been spread on the floor where Amy guided him to stand. Nearby, a nine-inch kitchen knife was encased inside a plastic bag. 
   This suggests that: a.) after conking out her husband, Amy Ricks planned to disembowel him (perhaps hoping to fetch a premium black market price for his internal organs?); or, b.) the Rickses enjoyed a fetish-heavy intimate life about which neither of them enlightened investigators. It seems sad that we will never know. 
   Amy Ricks, who is thirty-seven, was charged Tuesday with second-degree felony attempted murder and a third-degree felony aggravated assault, according to a report Wednesday in the Salt Lake Tribune. Ms. Ricks' attorneys plan to say she is a victim of Battered Spouse Syndrome. At first glance, that seems a bit like the pot calling the kettle black. But relationships are mysterious; only the people within them know the truth. The Tribune notes that Rickses, though separated, are still legally wedded.   

   This makes plain that some heterosexuals so revere the institution of marriage that they feel compelled to respect it by staying with the spouse who, mere years before, they did their best to kill or maim.  
   Gays and lesbians eager to marry should take note.