Monday, March 15, 2010

News That Makes Life Worth Living (Bear Feeding on Woman Who Tried to Feed Him Division)

MANITOWOC, Wisconsin, March 6 - A woman who, colloquially speaking, was drunk as a skunk during a visit to the Lincoln Park Zoo attempted to feed one of two Asiatic black bears in captivity there, and the bear returned the favor by biting off one of her thumbs and a forefinger and partially severing two other fingers, the Associated Press reported. 
   A man the AP described as the woman's "boyfriend" also got bitten as he tried to pry open the bear's mouth to release the woman's hand. His fingers, however, remained attached. 
   The woman, who is forty-seven, has a granddaughter, three, who the AP said "wasn't injured," to which one would only add "other than the psychological scarring that resulted from her seeing grandma shrieking in horror at the blood spurting from her hand, and from watching an enormous bear - which, to a three-year-old, is basically a furry black skyscraper - chewing ruminatively on grandma's thumb." 
   This proves that between animals and humans, animals are by far the more sensible creatures, and also that drinking and illegal bear feeding simply do not mix. 

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